By Eric Zanzucchi (@ericzanzucchi)
Early in the 4th quarter of the Seahawks vs. Bills game there was a streaker. It was most likely a Canadian (sick fucks) because this game was being played in Toronto. It got me to thinking that we never see a fat streaker. Streaking is done for comedy. And what’s funnier than a naked person running?
A fat naked person running.
The question I pose, that I cannot answer, is do fat people not streak because they are too slow to elude stadium security for 15 seconds? Or is it because they more self-conscious about their bodies? If they are too self-conscious, I have the solution. Fat guys should do the thing they do when they go to the beach: wear a t-shirt. Don’t wear pants or underwear so it’s still considered streaking, but keep the t-shirt on so that everyone can see your junk but no one can see your man boobs. This way everyone can win, except the fat guy’s wife.
P.S. Before I get bombarded with Youtube videos of fat streakers, I know that there aren’t literally zero fat streakers. It’s just that the ratio isn’t representative.