I Am So Not Pumped…

By Michael Baker

It’s Debate Night in America.  Yes, again.

I’ve got to admit, I’m just not feeling it.  I am so not pumped for tonight’s debate.  Maybe I’m just getting tired of hearing the same load of crap from two campaigns that I kind of disliked to begin with.  I honestly can’t imagine learning anything new about either of these clowns tonight.  They might make up some new statistics or something, but I can stand to miss that.

Maybe I’ll just skip watching the debate all together.  Maybe I’ll do something good for me, like go to the gym.  Maybe I’ll read a book – fiction, so I know the things I’m being told are untrue.  Maybe I’ll go hang out at Starbucks and try to meet a nice apolitical girl who doesn’t watch the news or read the paper.  We could talk about coffee or something, it would be fun.

Who am I kidding?  I’m going to watch this debate.  And I’m going to love to hate it.  It’ll raise my blood pressure, I won’t learn anything, and if there’s a nice apolitical girl hanging out at Starbucks she’ll have to settle for some handsome, illiterate barista.  They can talk about coffee, get married, and spend their evenings watching Sports Center and Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.  Hmmm, that doesn’t sound so bad.