Phelps Phinishes Phourth, and Other Olympic Musings

By Michael Baker

It’s time once again to pretend that we all care about fencing – the Summer Olympics are officially underway in London.  Already the internet is going wild about two less-than-significant stories: the opening ceremony was not so spectacular, and Michael Phelps finished fourth in one event.

The Phelps story is no big deal.  The dude will still win enough medals to make a small fortune selling them on Cash4Gold.com.  As for him finishing fourth, who knows?  Maybe he took one too many bong rips before getting in the pool.  I’m not saying Michael Phelps gets high before he swims, I’m just saying that we don’t really know one way or the other.

As for the opening ceremony, that’s a whole other issue.  I watched the ceremony with no audio, as I wanted to enjoy the visual spectacle while listening to some music that didn’t suck.  Turns out I may not have hated the music as much as I expected.  I knew two things the second I saw a giant projection of David Bowie’s face in the Olympic Stadium – that the organizers of the ceremony were taking a risk and trying to do something different, and that pretty much everybody would hate it.  Why can’t the Brits just do what the Chinese did in 2008 and get a bunch of child slaves to march around banging drums?  People really seemed to love that.

Anyway, I can hardly sit still with the anticipation of tonight’s women’s singles trampoline competition.