The Caffeine Creeper

By Eric Zanzucchi (@ericzanzucchi)

A school bus driver in Washington, Kenneth Sands, is accused of groping two adult women and three girls one night after a volleyball game. He’s created a unique defense for his grope spree. He claims that drinking excessive amounts of caffeine led to diminished capacity and temporary insanity.

What?

The whole reason caffeine is legal is because it doesn’t do that.

The article mentions a Dr. Martin Blinder who successfully presented a “Twinkie defense” in 1979. He testified that a diet high in sugar, namely Twinkies and Coca Cola, could result in erratic behavior. Blinder admits that caffeine is known to cause cravings, headaches and restlessness. However he states that, “going out and molesting women is not one of those symptoms.”

The guy who comes up with zany defenses can’t help the spree groper. A lot of people drink coffee. I drink coffee. But most people don’t go on grope frenzies.

I would wish the groper good luck at trial, but the article I’m citing was written because he recently got sentenced to five months in jail.